A girl I went to middle and high school with recently got married. (Don't even talk to me about how weird it is that people my age are getting married. I don't feel old enough for that to be true.) Now, a month or so post-wedding, it seems like her goal in life is to Instagram her entire married life. Normally, posts like these on Facebook would slip by me completely unnoticed. I cannot, however, willingly look past her pictures of food. On the whole, I've been impressed. The things she's been making look pretty tasty. One thing about this habit gives me pause though: every time she posts one of these pictures, she tags the photo with "#wifelife."
What does this imply? A lot of things and I don't like any of them. On the one hand, I don't think that cooking is or should be the primary factor of wifedom. I think that is a weird and lopsided requirement to put on someone in what is supposed to be a deep and loving partnership, not just a chore-sharing agreement. I don't know her husband, but I don't think he posts pictures of his desk at work tagged "#husbandlife." The ways for this kind of rigidly drawn division to cause hard feelings and disappointment are legion.
On the other hand and selfishly of concern to me is that this sort of expression contributes to the idea that cooking is an outright feminine activity, one that is somehow beneath a man to participate in. I find this completely offensive. How did we as a society decide that cooking is not a proper thing for a man to do? Traditional idioms encourage men to be "breadwinners," to "bring home the bacon," and expect men to "put food on the table." Yet making the sandwiches, cooking the bacon, or preparing the food are not approved activities for men? I just don't see the logic here. Is it because cooking is seen as a service? I'm disheartened that anyone could see serving one another as improper for a man to engage in. I would argue that such service is a human pursuit, not a masculine or feminine one, and one mandated by Christian faith on top of that.
I'm not going to argue why cooking is more masculine than it is feminine. I don't think it is either. It doesn't fit into either of those boxes. Cooking is an activity born of creativity, of passion, of self-sufficiency, and of service. To classify it as masculine or feminine misses the point. Cooking (and subsequent eating) fulfill the universal human needs of nourishment and fellowship. Thus, cooking should be a unifying activity, not a divisive one which sends women to the kitchen and men to the couch.
I love to cook. I find it fulfilling in so many ways. First of all, I love to eat. Beyond that, every time I cook, I have a chance to learn and grow, to hone a skill that I will develop for my entire life. I cook when I'm bored. I cook to relax. It is an activity that can be conducted alone but which is not itself isolating. When my work is done and I leave the kitchen behind, I can share what I've made with the people I care about. Cooking bridges my dual existence of isolation and community.
I don't feel ashamed to cook. It isn't beneath me. I'm proud of what I do and what I make. My friends seem to enjoy it too.
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